never.say.never.
You would think that at the ripe age of 31 I would have learned by now that every time I utter the words, “I’d never do that” I end up doing precisely that thing. But no, I haven’t learned. Here’s an update on my post from several months back entitled Top 10 Things I Won’t Do While Pregnant:
1. Talk to people I don’t know about what the baby and I plan to do with my breasts. Yeah right, I talk about it all the time. I’d tell you my plans but then I’d say something like “I’m not going to quit, no matter how hard it is” and then I’d quit and I’d have to come back and update this again for the same reason I’m writing this now.
2. Let anyone and everyone touch my baby belly. Hands off unless permission is granted!! I made it about 2 weeks with this one. Once I really started showing, I stopped caring and it doesn’t bother me at all now (at least with people I know). Besides, it’s not really like they’re touching me any more–it’s all baby.
3. Start to eat meat again. Plenty of vegans have had very healthy babies. Meat is not the only source of protein, people. Animal protein is great for short term growth, but for “slow and steady wins the race” sort of growth, plant based proteins are best, and plants are jam packed with all the other nutrients baby needs. Animal protein isn’t. Bwahahahahahaha. I just ate a turkey sandwich. We were in Vegas in January and I suddenly had the most incredible urge to eat a cheeseburger. I gave in, and it was downhill from there. I really think I wasn’t getting enough iron or protein, b/c I started feeling a lot better after I started eating meat again. I do, however, plan to try to go back to my Vegan ways at some point, but we’ll see.
4. Read about all the possible things that could go wrong and worrying myself into a frenzy. I wouldn’t say I’ve worried myself into a frenzy, but I have done a ton of reading. We refused the non-mandatory tests that would tell us early on if something was wrong with little Willow, primarily because they often give false positives and no matter the result, we wouldn’t have chosen a different course of action with the pregnancy. I’m glad we did it, and if something is wrong with Willow, we’ll deal with it and love her just the same.
5. Wear jeans that have a giant stretchy panel at the top. I don’t need to wear jeans that bad. Not doing it. I actually managed to find some great maternity jeans that I’ll probably wear even when I’m not pregnant. They don’t have the giant panel (I didn’t buy any pants with the super giant panel, they were terribly uncomfortable to me), but they do have an elastic waist band. I’ve really become fond of elastic 
6. Eat whatever I want and as much as I want because “I’m eating for two.” I’ve done the research. I only need 250-300 more calories a day. I will do everything in my power not to turn into a blimp and I will eat healthier than I ever have. I’ve done pretty well with this one, minus the occasional moments of weakness. I had one checkup where I got a scolding for gaining 9 lbs one month (oops) but overall, I haven’t gained too much weight. I’m getting really puffy lately, but I think that’s all the darn fluid…
7. Wear a bikini on the beach this summer. I’m not a bikini girl anyway, and there isn’t a chance in you-know-where that I’ll be prancing around on the beach in one at 7 months pregnant. Plenty of other women feel comfortable doing it. I’m not one of those women. Sundress=yes. Skimpy Bikini=Not a chance. Well here’s one I actually stuck with. In fact, the only people who have even seen my belly uncovered are Tim and the doctors. You know those pretty pregnant bellies you see on TV and in ads…I don’t have one of those. Shocking, I know.
8. Trade in my cute little VW for a minivan. Nuff said. Heeeeyyyy, another one we stuck with! We did have to replace Tim’s car, however, and he really wanted a Jeep Wrangler, but we settled on a Jeep Cherokee b/c it was more practical for toting the little one around.
9. Learn to scrapbook. This child will be well documented, have no qualms about that, but it will photos and videos and blogs. No offence if you’re a scrapbooker…it’s just not for me. Still haven’t done this and probably won’t. Crap, I said I wouldn’t do something again…I’ll never learn.
10. Try to be cute and wear high heels. It’s bad for my back, it’ll only get worse as I get more preggers…it’s just time to come to terms with my height. I’m 5′3, not 5′7. I’m retiring the heels for now. Oh I tried to wear high heels alright, but it didn’t last very long…mostly b/c I could no longer squeeze my chubby feet into my heels. It’s been flip flops and flip flops alone for a very long time now…
Well, that was fun. In my next blog, I plan to share with you all of the weird things that happen to your body when you’re pregnant that nobody tells you about until you’re pregnant. I’ll do my best not to gross anyone out.
By the way, I’m currently 35 weeks and one day pregnant! And it’s been an incredible journey so far…
full.circle.
3 years ago, on June 16th 2006, I drove to Tennessee with some friends to go to Bonnaroo, an annual music festival that I’d been to for the 2 years prior. The festival was always a crazy (but fun) time for me, filled with friends, amazing music and way too much alcohol and sun. But that year was different. In 2006, it was a trip filled with dangerous amounts of alcohol, drugs that I hadn’t touched in years, and more regrets than I care to remember. It was a a trip that made me realize that the person I’d thought I’d buried after college was still alive and well in me, something that terrified me. It was a trip that would ultimately change my life.
A few weeks after that trip, one of my coworkers invited me to his father’s church. I was intrigued, and I went. A few months later I started to believe. And a year later, that coworker became my husband.
Tonight, 3 years later almost to the day, I”ll once again be driving to Tennessee with some friends. Only this time, I’m going to an Christian youth conference…as a chaperon.
It’s beyond incredible how much my life has changed in 3 years. Sometimes it almost doesn’t seem real. Sometimes I think about how great my life is now and I just cry because at one point, I had stopped believing that I could have a good life. I was convinced that I didn’t deserve it, and sometimes I still think that.
I wish I could sit here and write that I’d done it all myself. I wish that I’d finally had enough after that trip 3 years ago, that I’d figured it all out after that week and gotten myself straightened out. I wish I could take credit for the changes in my life that made me the type of woman that a church leader would ask to chaperon their youth group.
But I can’t take credit for it.
God did it all.
sweet.release.
Yesterday morning, I was given the opportunity to share my testimony of faith at a Women’s Conference in Ocean City, Md. I fretted for months over what I would say, how much of my life I would share with a room full of (mostly) strangers, how my life story would be recieved, what sort of looks I would get, whether or not I would physically/emotionally be able to stand up there and share my life without completely falling apart, if it was what I was supposed to do, what I would wear, whether they would all judge me because of my past, and on and on and on and on.
I drove myself mad over it.
I was schedule to speak at 10am Saturday morning, and after hearing what was mostly educational speakers on Friday night, I really started to wonder if what I was planning to say was completely innappropriate and not what was being asked of me at all. I left my notes the same, but decided in my head that I would leave the really ugly portions of my life out of the story. They weren’t ready to hear it, I thought, and I wasn’t ready to share it.
One woman was scheduled to speak before me and it was listed in the program as an “ice breaker.”
“Perfect,” I thought.
“She’ll start off with something corny and lighthearted and when I speak, it’ll be like a dark cloud came over the room.”
Of course, that isn’t what happened. She began to speak and share parts of her life, and although I don’t feel that it’s appropriate to share what she spoke about, I will say that it was the perfect introduction to what I was about to say and exactly what I needed to hear to find the courage to speak. I’m always amazed at the way God conducts these little orchestras in our lives.
And so I shared my life story.
Every bit of it.
The good, the bad, the ugly.
Even the really ugly.
And as I was spoke, I thought to myself that God orchestrated that moment for me, to unload some of the burden I’ve been lugging around for so long.
But as I looked around at all of the red, teary eyes in the room, and as they came up to me one after another and thanked me for my honesty and transparency, telling me stories from their lives and stories of their loved ones who were going through some of the same things, I realized that this was His plan all along.
And it was such a sweet, sweet gift.
we.beat.the.snot.out.of.cancer.
For those of you following my life, we just got the test results from my dad’s latest biopsy and he is officially CANCER FREE!!!!
We are so happy this is over!!!!!
noah.update.4.29.09
Noah’s Road is up and running so I’ll probably stop posting updates after this in the hopes that you will follow their story there. I did want to pass along this last bit from Noah’s dad:
“It is with a sad heart that I have to report we are no longer able to give status updates on Noah’s condition. It was brought to our attention that anything we say can be used by the defense of the daycare provider. We PLEASE ask that you continue to visit noahsroad.com and support us and Noah. I’m sorry we’re not able to write about his progress but I hope you all understand. Please pray and we look forward to seeing there.”
Again, I ask that you please visit their website and continue to pray for the family…for a miracle healing for Noah, for strength and peace for his parents and family, and for wisdom for Noah’s doctors.
Thank you for taking such an interest in this family. Nearly 1500 of you have read about him over the last few days. I am truly amazed and inspired by the outpouring of support. God bless you all.
noah’s.road.
Hi everyone,
Noah’s dad just posted an update and it looks like the website is up!
“We have friends building Noahsroad.com and the only page completed is the about page that Erin wrote which tells his story thus far (www.noahsroad.com). We’re waiting until we can start putting pictures and stories up shortly. He was awake this morning for about 1.5 hours and showed great signs of movement. Today will be a BIG day, please pray it’s a good day. Thanks again and we appreciate the continued prayers more than you know.”
Go. Pray. Leave them a message of hope!!
They have also started a Flickr page with the most adorable pictures I’ve ever seen. Go check it out!
noah.update.4.28.09
More good news from Noah’s dad:
“We are taking Noah off some of the meds today since he’s been seizure free for about 48 hours (thank God) and taking his breathing tube out. If all goes well, maybe tomorrow we’ll be able to see our sons eyes and hear him cry. Thank you and his wesite is almost ready: noahsroad.com. We love you all.”
-Mike
Thanks to everyone who has been praying and spreading the word. Please continue to pray for the whole family: Mike, Erin & Noah.
*It looks like their blog is now up (www.noahsroad.com) but they have not started posting just yet. Until it’s complete, I’ll continue to post Mike’s updates from Facebook here so you can follow baby Noah’s progress. Once the site is ready, I really encourage anyone who’s been following the story here to leave their family some words of comfort. I think they would be amazed at the number of people who are supporting them and praying for them during this ordeal.
noah.update.4.26.09
Here’s the latest on little Noah:
“Noah has been seizure free for over 30+ hours (great news). They have started to reduce the amount of meds in order to begin the slow process of waking him up. They’ll continue to do this and make sure he doesn’t seize. If he does, they’ll put him back under and wait another day or two. He’s already woken up twice and had to be put back under. He’s strong…
Our fiends are building a website currently to document his journey and my wife will blog every day on his status. They are building the site now and it should be up shortly. I believe it’s going to be www.noahsroad.com. We will document this journey and our sons fight. I am so proud of him… he is my hero. He is the strongest person I have ever meet in my life.
Please continue to pray and please ask everyone you know to ask everyone they know and everyone they know to pray for our son. Please hug and kiss your children as I can not wait to hold and kiss my child again.
I thank you all for your posts and emails on here and please understand if I don’t respond to them. This continues to be the most difficult experience of my life and for those that know me… that’s saying a lot. It makes it difficult to write back but know that I love you all and appreciate the words of comfort.”
noah.update.
Here’s the latest from Noah’s dad:
They haven’t been able to stop him from seizing and decided to place him back into a coma and place the breathing tube back in. Now he won’t go back to sleep. He has sooooooooo much drugs in his system but refuses to go under. He still is seizing and they keep increasing the dosage. We’re starting to worry about the amount of drugs and side effects but dont have a choice but to continue.
Noah needs more prayers than I can begin to tell you. Please contact everyone you know and please ask them to ask everyone they know to pray for our son. He is our world and I feel our world is slipping away. I’m placing him in God’s hands and would like everyone to speak to God and ask him to heal our little boy. He didn’t ask for this nor did he deserve what happened to him.
I’m trying to balance the rage in my heart with the fight and the strength for my son. He’s fighting EVERYTHING we try and do and I just hope he will take a break, rest for a while and THEN continue to fight at the RIGHT time. Thank you for all of your prayers and please keep them coming.
Spread the word.
